GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: Ain’t No Thing Like Me Except Me

Guardians of the Galaxy Free Poster

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) – The 10th Marvel Cinematic Universe Movie – Directed by James Gunn – Starring Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Glenn Close, Lee Pace, Karen Gillan, Michael Rooker, Djimon Hounsou, John C. Reilly, Glenn Close, Benicio del Toro, Josh Brolin, Alex Denisof, Ophelia Lovibond, Peter Serafinowicz, Gregg Henry, Laura Haddock, Alex Denisof, Josh Brolin, Lloyd Kaufman, Nathan Fillion, Rob Zombie, Seth Green, and Stan Lee.

Please note that I am not here to protect your fragile spoiler-fearing mind. Those SPOILERs right above here is it – everything else is fair game, though I will hold off spoiling the final post-credits scene for a few days because everyone deserves to see that one fresh.

“He called me vermin! And she called me a rodent!” Rocket yells, his voice equal parts shaking in anger and quivering in pain, as his finger points to Drax and Gamora. We’re in the middle of the movie and the early stages of Peter Quill’s attempt to band a dysfunctional unit into a team to complete a mission to save the universe. The assembled group – Quill/Star-Lord (Chris Pratt), Gamora (Zoe Saldana), Rocket (Bradley Cooper), Drax (Dave Bautista), and Groot (Vin Diesel) – isn’t having it because no one trusts one another, and in the midst of all of this back and forth squabbling comes Rocket’s drunken, thunderous pronouncement that Drax called him a vermin and Gamora referred to him as a rodent. The words hang in the air, the symbol of a line crossed for the genetically modified raccoon, a wise-cracking tough guy who puts on the front that nothing in the universe bothers him, but in this passion-filled argument reveals that something does.

“He called me vermin!”

A year ago, Brett White (@brettwhite) set the Internet ablaze when he tweeted, “DC/WB is all like Wonder Woman’s too confusing for a movie!” and Marvel/Disney is all like “Here’s a raccoon with a machine gun.” Variations of this tweet emerged across social media platforms, as an unlikely and largely (to mainstream audiences) unknown Marvel hero emerged as the symbol of everything Marvel does right just as Wonder Woman became the symbol of everything DC is doing wrong.

Such a binary is an over-simplication, of course, but arguments like symbols, and the core point, that DC Comics and Warner Brothers has often appeared as not having faith in their characters to stand on their own while Marvel does, is a valid one. When I first saw White’s tweet I burst out laughing at the kind of absurd truth that, yes, we were going to get a movie starring Rocket Raccoon before we got a Wonder Woman film. That DC/WB had Joss Whedon working on a Wonder Woman movie a few years ago that went nowhere, only to have him end up helming Marvel’s uber-blockbuster, The Avengers, only added to our collective disbelief at whatever it was DC/WB was doing.

Or not doing.

Now seemingly eternally linked, it was fitting that the first image of Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman, her costume containing a multitude of colors ranging from brown to brown to brown with a touch of brown emerged from the San Diego Comic Con a few days before GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY brought Rocket to life on the big screen in a full range of colors and emotions. We have a singular image as proof that a cinematic Wonder Woman now exists just in time for her to go buy a ticket to the multiplex and bare witness to a raccoon with a machine gun.

But let’s back up a second. While White’s tweet was hilarious and true, 140 characters doesn’t allow for much depth, and the depth here is important.

It’s not just that Marvel is like, “Here’s a raccoon with a machine gun,” but that Marvel knows how to make a raccoon with a machine gun believable and real and pissed off and obliterated when a killer calls him “vermin.” He might not let you see that it hurts when you first say it, but he damn sure isn’t going to forget you did.

“Ain’t no thing like me except me,” he declares elsewhere, and there’s a world of pride and hurt in that statement that sums up why Marvel Studios is able to make good film after good film, the core Marvel Comics belief that their heroes are real people with real demons and real passions and an infinite variety of grays between what it means to be good and what it means to be evil.

What James Gunn, Nicole Perlman (co-screenwriter), Bradley Cooper, and the team of CGI wizards have done with Rocket is create perhaps the most quintessential Marvel character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, to date. Let’s hope that whatever one thinks of Gal Gadot or Wonder Woman’s costume (I dig it) that Diana has as much humanity when she makes her way to the big screen as this raccoon with a machine gun.

Rocket and Groot Poster GotG

Because there ain’t no thing like Rocket, just like their ain’t no thing like GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, a brilliant, action-packed, hilarious, and heartfelt cinematic masterpiece.

It’s Gunn’s ability to blend humor with emotion with action that makes GUARDIANS such a fantastic ride. I have never laughed so hard and so long while watching a superhero movie, and it’s that core pathos that Gunn and Perlman imbues each character with that makes me give a damn what happens to them. Yeah, there’s plenty of funny lines and comical in-fighting, but the Guardians are best summed up by Quill’s assertion that when he looks at the five of them he sees, “Losers,” which he clarifies to mean, “people who’ve lost something.”

No, the Guardians of the Galaxy (which is a name mockingly given to them by Ronan near the end of the film) aren’t angels or do-gooders, but they have loss or pain at the core of their character, and it’s this loss and pain that fuels their actions. Yes, Drax is a killer, but he’s on a quest to avenge his murdered wife and son. Yes, Gamora is an assassin, but she was enslaved by Thanos (Josh Brolin) and trained to be a killer. Yes, Quill is a womanizing thief, but he was abducted from Earth minutes after his mom died, and raised by Yondu (Michael Rooker) amidst his rowdy, amoral group of Ravagers. And yes, Rocket is a foul-mouthed, violent mercenary, but he was genetically modified raccoon that was continually “pulled apart and put back together” by scientists.

No, they’re not angels or do-gooders, but they’re not bad people, and that’s the story that GUARDIANS reveals.

In a full-on homage to Raiders of the Lost Ark, Peter Quill steals an orb from a temple on a deserted world, escaping Korath (Djimon Hounsou), a servant of Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace), a fanatical Kree who has agreed to acquire the orb for Thanos, who will then destroy the planet Xander for Ronan.

Quill doesn’t know what’s inside the metallic orb, but his decision to not share it with Yondu and try to sell it on his own is what brings four-fifths of the Guardians together. Gamora has been charged with acquiring it from Quill by Thanos, but the green-skinned assassin plans to betray the mad Titan because she knows what’s inside. Rocket and Groot are on Quill’s trail, wanting to collect the bounty that Yondu has placed on his head. The four of them steal and re-steal the orb from one another across a Xandarian city square in a sequence that manages to show off their physical skills while also providing us with some laughs. Like kids caught playing ball in the house by disapproving parents, the group is caught and arrested by the Nova Corps, the police of Xandar, and hauled in for arraignment.

The group is sent to the Kyln, GUARDIANS’ version of a wretched hive of scum and villainy. It’s Gamora who attracts the most attention, as even these hardcore criminals have no love for an assassin of Thanos. Pulled from her cell and taken away to be killed with the full permission of the guards, this is where Drax enters the tale. Interrupting the group of criminals who led her away, Drax wants to kill Gamora himself. It’s Quill who talks him out of it, convincing Drax that if he really wants to kill Ronan for killing his family, Gamora can bring them together. Thus bonded, our group goes about escaping the Kyln by executing a plan of Rocket’s.

It’s this escape sequence from the Kyln where I first realized I was watching something truly special. The thrust-together group doesn’t trust each other beyond needing each other to get out, but we see their abilities on full display. Rocket’s intricate plan is ruined when Groot executes the final step first, sending everyone out on a rough improvisation to acquire the necessary components. It’s a madcap sequence as the group struggles to complete the plan as the guards close in, and when they finally climb an enlarged and elongated Groot to get to the control tower, Rocket hurriedly does his best Russell T. Davies era impersonation of the Doctor, pulling a control panel apart and putting it together as the world collapses in on them. Rocket had tasked Quill with getting the prosthetic leg of an inmate and when Quill delivers it, Rocket busts out laughing. He didn’t need the leg, he just thought it would be a hoot to get it.

We also see how important it is for each of the Guardians to hold onto what’s important to them, as Peter goes back to processing to retrieve his Walkman, which contains a mix tape made for him by his mom before she died in the film’s first sequence.

As the film’s second-half plays out, they learn from the Collector (Benicio del Toro) that the orb contains an Infinity Stone, one of the most powerful objects in the universe. Everyone who knows what the gem is rightly craps themselves at the sight of it, and the stone falling into Ronan’s hands thanks to Nebula (Karen Gillan) is what ultimately convinces the group together, though Gunn wonderfully imbeds the idea that it’s not just saving the universe that’s important, but the connections they’re making with one another. These are characters who’ve lost things, but now, after a major butt-whupping, they realize there is the potential here to gain something by coming together.

But first, they have to have it out. They have to get past their trust issues and they have to get past one of them calling another “vermin.”

I love that there is no big apology scene from Gamora to Rocket, but that her apology comes through her actions, just as the Guardians prove themselves through their own actions on what they all believe will be a suicide mission to stop Ronan from using the Infinity Stone to destroy all life on Xandar.

Much like Avengers, Gunn and Perlman give every character a unique quality and a specific arc: Peter has to escape Yondu’s influence to become his own man, Gamora has to escape Thanos’ influence to become her own woman, Drax has to get past his desire for revenge to embrace life instead of death, Rocket has to get past how he was created to become something more than a mercenary, and Groot …

And then there’s Groot, the big, tree-like creature that can only say, “I am Groot,” but manages to be just as human as everyone else. He has a greater sense of peace and gentleness to him, but there’s also an anger inside of him that comes out in battle. He been traveling as Rocket’s “houseplant-slash-bodyguard” and their relationship provides some of the best pathos in the entire movie. When Groot sacrifices himself to save the group by encasing them in a tree cocoon, Rocket knows what he’s doing and can no longer contain his emotions. After the crash of Ronan’s ship, when Groot has been reduced to twigs, Rocket plaintively collects the pieces of his friend, hoping to save him if they survive the day.

It’s amazing how emotional it is when Groot manages to slightly alter his three words when he’s encased the others, changing, “I am Groot” to “We are Groot.”

The bad guys are mostly functional more than fully-realized, but it’s not their movie: Thanos sits on a throne and grumbles – do you need more than that? Ronan is a fanatic who wants to destroy Xandar – do you need more than that? Nebula is the super-hot bad-ass/daughter of Thanos who’d like to see him dead. Do you need- well, yeah, it would have been nice, but that’s what sequels are for. What Gunn gets right about the villains is that they create a sizeable threat, and Brolin, Pace, and Gillan deliver.

Even in the darkest moments, the group keeps their sense of humor, with Peter challenging Ronan to a dance off to buy time for the others to set their trap. Quill’s early attempt to seduce Gamora by telling her about the Earthly hero Kevin Bacon and his quest to teach a town how to dance pays off during the big fight when Gamora celebrates a victory by declaring, they’re “just like Kevin Bacon.” And simple things, like Drax’s literal approach to the world and his inability to understand metaphors make him both unique and able to provide some humor.

All of the big, beautiful CGI images of the Nova Corps fighting Ronan’s forces would be impressive but ultimately empty without the film being grounded in emotions. Quill gets the Xandarians to help him by sending a message to the Corpsman that arrested him, Rhonnan Dey (John C. Reilly), and after the fight Dey tells him that his family was in this city and they’re alive thanks to what the Guardians did. We get a humorous exchange with Dey, Rocket, and Drax as they ask about whether stealing and ripping out someone’s spine are crimes, but then we get to see Dey return home to his wife and child.

I don’t like to fall into making lists (the scourge of the Internet) or hyperbolic declarations comparing one film to another, but GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY is a damn fine movie. If I was ten, I’d watch this movie every single day and would love it like I love Star Wars and Cannonball Run. What James Gunn and all the actors and crew and technicians have created with this movie is the ultimate ode to the fringe characters that inhabit a superhero universe. Not everyone is a star but every character is someone’s favorite, and Gunn and Company treat all of these characters with that in mind.

It will be interesting to see how people react to Dancing Baby Groot, but I laughed and laughed and laughed all the way to the final, post-credits’ scene where …

Yeah, I’m not spoiling it for a few days. There are some things you shouldn’t talk about even in a spoiler-filled review until people have a chance to see it for themselves.

But damn.

Ain’t no thing like that, either.

From a life-long fan of Marvel Comics and outer space, my sincerest thanks to everyone involved with bringing GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY to life.


The Complete Box of GUARDIANS Reactions

1. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: Ain’t No Thing Like Me Except Me
2. GOTG: The YONDU Reaction
3. GOTG: The NEBULA Reaction
4. GOTG: The KORATH Reaction
5. GOTG: The GROOT Reaction
6. GOTG: The CORPSMAN DEY Reaction
7. GOTG: The NOVA PRIME Reaction
8. GOTG: The RONAN Reaction
9. GOTG: The DRAX Reaction
10. GOTG: The COLLECTOR Reaction
11. GOTG: The GAMORA Reaction
12. GOTG: The STAR-LORD Reaction
13. GOTG: The ROCKET Reaction


And hey, if this wasn’t enough words from me to you, my latest GUNFIGHTER GOTHIC collection, ABSINTHE & STEAM, is out. I’d be much obliged if you gave it a look.

Gunfighter Gothic Volume 2: Absinthe & Steam.

13 thoughts on “GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: Ain’t No Thing Like Me Except Me

  1. I would argue that Gillan was the weak link in this movie. Brolin made the most of his Thanos, Pace made the most of Ronan’s time… Gillan was a blank space.


    • I disagree. She didn’t get a lot of screen time but they told us everything we needed to know about the character – she has as many daddy issues as Gamora, and wants him dead.


      • I was thinking as the movie went along that it was a shame that (a) Nebula’s part was so small and (b) Gamora was doubtless going to kill her at or near the climax, because I have fond memories of Nebula as an Avengers foe in the 80’s comics, and yet I’m very inured at this point to comic book movies treating supervillains as disposable single-serving characters who die at the end.


        I was super stoked when Nebula got away at the end. I have zero problem with her being an incomplete cipher in GotG if it means we get to see more of her later, with more character development hopefully part of those subsequent appearances.


  2. I adored this movie and even teared up at points. The most modern and yet also most silver age of a group of movies that have all been combining modern and silver age elements successfully! Loved, loved, loved, loved it.

    The biggest disappointment for me was that scene everyone is talking about. Seemed pointless and silly.

    End of spoilers.


  3. Loved this film. Somehow Gunn made something that combined the best aspects of classic adventure stories (Raiders of the Lost Ark, Romancing the Stone, Allan Quartermain, a touch of Escape from New York) with the big set-piece awe of the classic space operas.

    It was also really refreshing to get what amounts to a superhero origin story without it feeling like we waste half the movie on exposition that doesn’t really get us anyplace. We are allowed, for the most part, to get to know these lunatics at the same time they get to know one another, and it works great.

    There was a really good balance in the comedic material as well to make sure there was something there for everyone. A lot of the slapstick and sight gags were great, but some of the best lines would have, as with Drax, flown right over the heads of younger viewers (the Jackson Pollock line was one of the best jokes in the film IMO, and I can’t imagine many people under 30 would have got the reference). I have a feeling that people’s appreciation of that final post-credit scene is going to be the same way. I loved it, thought it was a sublime little cake-topper of weird on everything, but if you didn’t live through the 80s I can see it seeming sort of pointlessly out of left field.

    The only thing I wish they had done differently in that last scene is that only one of the ‘special guests’ had a line. I’d have loved really hearing from the other character who we hadn’t technically been introduced to. He’s one of my personal favorite cosmic people.

    I also loved the last actual line in the credits before that scene came on: No raccoons or tree monsters were harmed in the making of this feature.


  4. Didn’t think I’d get to see this so soon but I was blown away. My lack of knowledge of the Marvel Cosmic helped me not be too judgmental, so I enjoyed this film to it’s fullest. Here’s hoping we get Reaction pieces!


    • I think this is one case where even knowing the comic it would have been hard to come in with anything but an open mind. The books go a little deeper than the film, clearly, but they are every bit as… eclectic. A few relatively minor tweaks were made, but nothing game-changing. Overall this translated better than it had any right to.


  5. Just wanted to say this is a fantastic write-up and I agree pretty much across the board. In particular this made me laugh:

    “the first image of Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman, her costume containing a multitude of colors ranging from brown to brown to brown with a touch of brown”

    Completely nails what I was thinking as well. It’s like they somehow took the essence of everything I hated about Man of Steel as a film and wove a Wonder Woman costume out of it, the dark gritty “realism” and zealot-like commitment to insisting that superhero movies are SERIOUS and for ADULTS. Ugh. Someone else (probably Chris Sims) said recently that it’s becoming more and more apparent that DC/WB are fairly ashamed of their characters, and want to exploit them financially via movies and whatnot but feel the need to fundamentally change them as well because they’re so mortified by what those characters are, completely missing the point that what they are is what makes them great. An idealist champion-princess who wears optimistic primary colors? Oh, no, no, goodness, no. Let’s just put her in dark leather for starters. Whereas Marvel’s attitude seems to be “a dude with blue skin and a red mohawk who has a magic arrow he controls by whistling? We can totally put that up on screen!”


    • I don’t think it helps the DC cause that they have little, if any, creative input into what their parent company WB does with their IP. And Warner Bros. is content to just strip-mine those characters for the cash. They do not care about any of them, so long as people keep showing up to theaters (and even MoS made BANK).

      Contrast that with Marvel Studios who have a pretty close working relationship with the publishing side of the business, even after the Disney buy-out, and you get the situation we have now.

      I will say that I don’t envy the folks over at DC/Warner. Even if they did have faith in the properties at all levels, the DC characters are always going to be harder to adapt for a modern audience, only because they are all effectively gods. Marvel has a stable of heroes and villains that are, for the most part, ‘real’ people. They have real people problems, character flaws, and limitations that make them all inherently relate-able. DC doesn’t really have that. They have a stable of characters who are really more like Platonic ideals than people. That doesn’t make for the easiest storytelling (not terribly interesting storytelling, anyway).

      It isn’t just in film that you see the difficulties either. I think that’s really why it seems like when you talk to a lot of comics readers they generally seem to say they read a lot of DC books when they were kids, then moved on to Marvel as teens before settling into… whatever it is they settled into. The DC stories generally tended to be a little less nuanced, simple because most of their big name characters were themselves less nuanced.

      The thing is, as adults going to a movie, we’re expecting to see the heroes we remember in the types of stories we remember. I don’t want a grim-dark Superman full of doubt, questioning the morality of doing superman shit. I don’t want to have to be told that Superman stands for hope because nothing in the movie showed me that he does… I just want him to BE hopeful. That’s the character. He isn’t a person, almost none of the mainstream DC heroes are people, they are ideals.


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