THIS IS THE END: You Can’t Have the Milky Way

This is the End (2013) – Directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg – Starring James Franco, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson, Michael Cera, Emma Watson, Rihanna, Kevin Hart, Jason Segal, David Krumholtz, Paul Rudd, Martin Starr, Mindy Kaling, Channing Tatum, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Aziz Ansari, and the Backstreet Boys.

BE AWARE THAT SPOILERS FOLLOW, SO DON’T READ IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE PLOT DETAILS DISCUSSED.

In broad strokes, I’m not a huge fan of the movies of James Franco and Seth Rogen, and I’ve never gone to see a single movie starring any of the stars of this film (Franco, Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Jonah Hill, and Craig Robinson) because it starred them. I like Craig Robinson, I enjoy Danny McBride in small doses, I think Jonah Hill should start doing more dramas than comedies (because he was excellent in Moneyball), and Jay Baruchel has the most horrendous voice this side of Fran Drescher.

When I first learned of THIS IS THE END a few months ago, I had zero interest in seeing it, but when I first saw the trailer for the film, I thought it was kinda funny, and the more trailers I saw, the more I started to actually look forward to it. I’m also glad it came out on Man of Steel weekend because I absolutely hate going to a crowded movie theater and this gave me something to see without having to jostle for elbow room with loud high school kids or fundamentalist Superman fans who’d spend the entire film bitching about what Zack Snyder got wrong.

There weren’t many people at the screening for THIS IS THE END and that’s a shame because this is a really funny movie that helps to reaffirm two theories: 1. judge films by the films on the screen, not by the people in them, and 2. we’re on the verge of a 20 year run of Emma Watson being the most beautiful woman on the planet.

From start to finish, THE END delivers a consistent stream of laughs. Co-directors and co-screenwriters Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg do a really great job balancing the jokes between the movie’s stars and they have a solid subplot playing under the apocalypse, with the divide between Rogen’s longtime friend Jay Baruchel, and his new Hollywood pals. While it’s not a new conceit anymore to see actors playing alternate versions of themselves on screen (it’s been about a quarter century since It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, which wasn’t the first show to do this but feels like it’s the most inspirational for this generation of filmmakers), the actors of THE END largely do the style proud, playing some combination of who they really are while also taking the piss out of their own public image.

Take Franco. He had a nice run as a Renaissance Man of sorts (or what passes for one in Hollywood) these past few years and in THE END, he’s the most accomplished actor in the bunch. It’s his house – his semi-ridiculous house – where the main action takes place, and he’s got it stuffed with his own artwork (including a giant penis and a pair of paintings that include just his own name on one and Rogen’s on the other) and props from his former movies. His personality is a reflection of the house; he is both the most grown-up of all of them, but also the most scattered. As we learn from several comments party-goers make, the house is designed in such a way that you can hear every conversation from every room, which suggests a paranoia that’s reflected by his mistrust of McBride and his neediness to have Rogen’s approval.

Franco and Baruchel represent the two sides of Rogen’s life: Hollywood and pre-Hollywood, and Rogen and Goldberg do a pretty good job weaving this subplot through the movie. It does make Baruchel unlikable, because even though he’s a Hollywood actor and all, his schtick is that he’s anti-Hollywood, and doesn’t like coming to town. The movie opens with him arriving at the airport to spend some time with Rogen, but after a day filled with Carl’s Jr, candy, video games, and pot, Rogen wants to go to Franco’s house for a huge party. Baruchel doesn’t want to go because he doesn’t like Rogen’s new friends. The film positions him as both the “good guy,” because he’s the first to realize what they’re experiencing is the Biblical apocalypse but also kind of a dick because he doesn’t want to be there and he thinks he’s better than everyone else.

Unfortunately, in the film’s one major misstep, the film ends up rewarding Baruchel instead of Franco with a trip to Heaven. It has to do this, really, because of the way the film is set-up. In a dueling battle of buddies, his long-term friendship with Rogen wins out over Franco’s shorter-term friendship, even though Franco comes off as the much-nicer guy. Not a great guy, mind you, because Rogen and Goldberg wisely give everyone both positive and negative qualities. All of the leads do good things and bad things: McBride starts by making everyone breakfast and ends by becoming a cannibal, Jonah Hill is the “sweetest guy” at the start and prays to God to kill Jay Baruchel near the end, and Craig Robinson is generally the nicest guy throughout the film, which is why he’s rewarded with the group’s first trip to Heaven.

Yes, Heaven. This really is the apocalypse taking place and not some kind of shared drug illusion. Franco’s party is filled with all sorts of young Hollywood types and for the most part everyone does a good job lampooning themselves. The scene feels like it’s included just because Rogen could get Kevin Hart and Mindy Kaling and Jason Segel to show up for a few hours, but it sets a nice tone. Michael Cera seems to have the most fun creating a cinematic alter ego, a coke snorting, ass-slapping, sex fiend, but it’s also the least fun to watch because it’s so over the top and so far away from his image that it just feels like a put-on. Everyone else crafts an alter ego that at least feels believable. I think my favorite bit is a quick conversation between Segal and Hart where the former is describing a really sitcomish, obvious bit from what’s clearly (though unspoken) How I Met Your Mother about how he’s got cake on his face which signals his guilt at eating the cake left in the fridge, and Hart replies with a knowing, “That’s why you’re #1.”

The other person who feels a bit off is Emma Watson. Like with Cera, the film wants to milk comedy out of the fact that she does things you don’t believe, but she can’t quite commit to doing something ridiculous. While Cera comes off too over-the-top, it’s admirable that he commits so fully to a role that has him slapping Rihanna’s ass, blowing cocaine in Christopher Mintz-Plasse’s face, getting a combo blowjob/rimjob from two girls in the bathroom, and finally being the first celebrity killed when the world goes to hell. Watson’s appearance just never really comes together. I don’t believe she’d even come to this party, and if she did, I think it might have worked better to play up her awkwardness or go all out and have her do the kind coke snorting/ass slapping bits that Cera engages in.

Watson comes back later in the film as an ax-wielding bad-ass, but she bails after hearing the guys outside her room talking about who’s most likely to rape her. It’s an edgy bit. After Franco puts her in a bedroom so she can rest, the guys are in the hallway and Baruchel awkwardly raises the issue about wanting to make sure that they make her feel safe, since she’s the only woman there. The other guys are horrified by his insinuation and they start arguing about it, which Watson overhears and bursts from the room with her ax, demanding they give her all their liquids, and then she takes off. I just feel like I’m supposed to go, “Oh, Emma Watson with an ax, that’s funny.” But it’s not. It just doesn’t work as well as everything else in the film works because it’s just a series of scenes, not an arc or a real character.

But that doesn’t take away from the film. All of the leads are really funny and have really good moments. The scene in the kitchen where they argue over a single Milky Way candy bar after they realize they’re stuck together perfectly encapsulates the film’s humor. By spreading out the workload, the film is constantly moving, even though they’re largely stuck in one place. All the leads are willing to laugh at themselves, and they do a good job coming together (like when they make Pineapple Express 2 with a single camera) and bursting apart (like when they kick McBride out of the house) time and again.

I really like this movie. I laughed the whole time and it manages to tell a good story that creates and allows for the jokes, instead of simply being a host of bits strung together. If you completely hate these actors, that might be too much to overcome, but if you’re willing to give them a shot, this is a very funny, very unique movie.

PAUL: I’ve Been Waiting for This Since Mac and Me

Paul (2011) – Directed by Greg Mottola – Starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen, Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Blythe Danner, Joe Lo Truglio, John Carroll Lynch, Jane Lynch, David Koechner, Jesse Plemons, Sigourney Weaver, Jeffrey Tambor, and Steven Spielberg.

Much like Super 8, PAUL is a love letter to Steven Spielberg, but unlike the J.J. Abrams film, PAUL isn’t a celebration of Spielberg’s films as much as it is a celebration of what the films meant to fans.

We see this in evidence right from the start as Greame (Simon Pegg) and Clive (Nick Frost) make their first pilgrimage to Sand Diego Comic-Con. These guys are fans and I appreciate how they’re fans without an over-fetishization of geek or nerd culture, which is a trend that has pretty much run its course. They are who they are, definitely fans but also definitely themselves, too. Clive is a writer and Graeme is an artist, and they’re not just visiting from England to experience SDCC, but to take a road trip through some alien hot spots in the American West.

We stay in San Diego just long enough to establish that these two guys love their sci-fi, and then they’re off in an RV. At a roadside diner where Jane Lynch works, Graeme laughs along with two redneck stereotypes (David Koechner and Jesse Plemons), who decide to interpret his joviality as hostile instead of friendly. When Clive comes out of the bathroom, the two rednecks make fun of Graeme and Clive for being gay.

Which they’re not, but which is also a recurring joke in the film.

Graeme and Clive hightail it out of there and accidentally put a dent in the rednecks’ truck on their way out of the parking lot. Later on that night, as they stop to take some pictures at another sight on their stop, they see some approaching headlights and wrongly assume its the rednecks. Fleeing the scene, they are quickly overcome by the headlights, and as the car whizzes past, the car wrecks and the boys stop to have a look.

The rednecks are the worst part of the film because they are never anything but their base stereotypes. Many of PAUL’s conflict are derived from pitting different social groups against each other: nerds, rednecks, the deeply religious, the bad ass Mr. FBI Man, but only the rednecks never reveal themselves to be something more. Luckily, despite their introduction as the film’s first antagonist, they are not major players in the movie.

At the scene of the accident, the two Brits meet Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen), who solicits their help in him getting home. Grame proves himself the cooler customer, more willing to accept an actual alien in their presence, while Clive passes out and pees himself. From there on, we’ve got a combo buddy comedy/road trip with Paul the alien as the third wheel tag-along.

Paul is designed to be a mid-sized alien with very human tendencies: he likes to smoke and drink and swear, and there are times where this gets a bit much. There is some over-reliance on the comedy coming simply from Paul doing these things, as if an alien who swears is, in and of itself, inherently funny. Maybe if this film had come out in 1987, this would have worked, but now it already feels kinda stale – if Paul is intended to be funny, he needs to be funny irregardless of being a little grey alien with big blue eyes.

The most interesting aspect of this film is simply watching two different comedy camps come together. Up front is the Pegg and Frost duo as PAUL’s main stars and it’s co-writers, and in less-obvious roles are part of the Arrested Development family in the persons of director Greg Mottola, and actors Jason Bateman and Jeffrey Tambor. It’s a winning combo, with the deadpan-jerk humor of Bateman and Tambor blending nicely with the disbelieving-nice guys style of Pegg and Frost.

There is a third wheel here and that’s the inclusion of Seth Rogen as the voice of Paul. Mottola has a history with the Apatow/Rogen family, too, as he also directed Superbad and was a director on Undeclared, so Rogen isn’t completely alone here. Personally, I’ve had my fill of Rogen’s Big Loud Idiot type, and even though Paul doesn’t entirely fit that mold, Rogen’s voice keeps pushing the character in that direction. It’s hard to think of Paul as either intelligent or likable with that awful voice coming out of his mouth, but it’s certainly not enough to sink the character or the film.

Graeme, Clive, and Paul pull the RV into an RV park for the night, where they meet Ruth Buggs (Kristen Wiig), a one-eyed, over-protected daughter of a religious zealot. PAUL takes all kinds of shots at God and religion and Paul becomes the (celebrated) serpent in the Garden. When Ruth starts espousing her faith (and it’s not like she says, “I like Jesus,” because she actually says, “The world is 4,000 years old and God created it in six days.”) Paul loses his marbles and starts debating her from inside the RV’s bathroom, even though he’s supposed to be hiding. Paul ends up getting Ruth to turn away from her faith, in part because he shows her his entire life story through a mind link and in part because he cures her dead eye.

I have some issues with this – not as a Christian, because even though I was raised Catholic I don’t consider myself aligned with any religion these days, but just as a matter of logic. Simply because the Bible does not take aliens into account does not mean that their existence disproves the concepts of God and Creationism. I suppose the point here is that because Ruth is such a strict Christian that Paul’s ability to show her that the world is more than 4,000 years old becomes the crack that breaks the dam. It’s simplistic, but it fits the film’s general theme, which is that the group dynamic is more important than an individual’s personal issues.

I really like how PAUL picks up people as the film moves along. First, the road trip is about Graeme and Clive’s adventure, then it’s folds in the plot in getting Paul home, and then when Ruth is added, it folds in a subplot of self-discovery. It’s a really good script that’s only sidelined (like most comedies) by a weak joke here and there. The nice thing, however, is that PAUL is every bit as interested in telling a story as it is in simply telling jokes.

There’s plenty of nods to Spielberg (and the director’s voice even makes an appearance), but the funniest reference is when Clive (who feels like he’s blown it by passing out and peeing himself when he first met Paul) is trying to explain his actions to Paul and he says, “I’ve been waiting for this since Mac and Me and I feel like I’ve blown it!”

Mac and Me.

It’s a great reference because Mac and Me is widely recognized as a cheap E.T. knock off, yet that doesn’t mean there aren’t people out there who like the movie, which furthers strengthens the idea that Graeme and Clive are just regular fans.

It’s the combination of sci-fi love, camaraderie, and jokes that work better because they’re amusing rather than because they’re laugh out loud funny. I mean, how can you not like a movie that sees Clive referring to Paul as Short Round? PAUL hits all the right notes for a good time. It’s not hysterical (except for Jason Bateman, who’s very, very funny here), but it is constantly amusing.

THE GREEN HORNET: I Like to Yell at the World Because My Daddy Didn’t Love Me Enough!

The Green Hornet (2011) – Directed by Michel Gondry – Starring Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Christoph Waltz, Cameron Diaz, Tom Wilkinson, Edwards James Olmos, and James Franco.

Never saw the old TV show, never read the comics, never heard the radio show, so when I tell you that THE GREEN HORNET is garbage, I’m not basing this on anything but the 2-hour movie that just stopped spinning in my DVD player.

There are some films that just never even come close to pulling it together, and THE GREEN HORNET is just such a movie. It is an near-complete and utter disaster, with only Jay Chou’s performance as Kato giving you any reason to keep watching.

The blame for GREEN HORNET has to lie with Seth Rogen; he not only stars in the film, but co-wrote, and co-executive produced the film, so it’s doubtful anyone got him to do things he didn’t want to do. The biggest problem with the film itself is the Britt Reid/Green Hornet character, an oafish, selfish buffoon who spends the bulk of the movie alternately screaming in disbelief and acting like an egotistical dick. The film deserves credit for having Britt eventually see the light, but even then he’s struggling to not be a total dick. I don’t think it’s possible to overstate how terrible Rogen is in this movie; never believable, never able to convey any kind of emotional state or acting technique that doesn’t call attention to the fact that he’s treating this all like a big joke, he single-handedly torpedoes a movie that actually does toy with having something to say about how we focus too much on the loudest person in the room – even if that person is a complete moron.

I’m not opposed to the idea of a fun or comedic superhero movie, at all, which is what GREEN HORNET wants to be, but unfortunately it’s neither fun nor funny. It’s a big, loud, stupid movie because Britt Reid is a big, loud, stupid character. The shame of the movie is that Jay Chou’s Kato, Cameron Diaz’s Lenore, Edward James Olmos’ newspaper editor, and even Christoph Waltz’s villain, Chudnofsky, are all quiet, understated characters that, in varying ways, bemoan how big, loud, and stupid their worlds have become.

So what does the film do? It puts the biggest, loudest, dumbest character in the movie at its center, a character so big, so loud, and so dumb that he overwhelms everyone else. Awesome. I’m not a Seth Rogen hater by any stretch, but he’s simply not a good enough actor – or perhaps it’s better to say that he’s not a good enough actor/writer/executive producer – to pull this role off. He acts like a character in a kid’s cartoon, everything’s exaggerated to the point where your brain tells you not to take him seriously.

But then almost every other actor in the film is begging for their character to be taken seriously, so it creates a disconnect between the center and the periphery, and the film never successfully either brings those two halves into alignment, or properly utilizes their disconnect. I hope Rogen the actor learned a lesson from the professionalism of the rest of the cast.

One of the running bits in the film is that Reid never places the blame on himself for anything he does. The movie opens with him being taken to see his dad, a super important newspaper owner/EIC (Tom Wilkinson) whose disgusted with his kid getting in trouble. Little pre-teen Britt sits on the couch with a superhero doll in his hands, trying to tell his dad he just wanted to help a girl from being bullied, but his dad doesn’t want to hear it and pops the head off Britt’s doll and junks it in the trash.

So you’re thinking, “Right. The dad is a dick and the kid is sympathetic,” but then the film cuts to the future and the kid is a rich, partying socialite and the dad is a hard-working newspaperman. Are we supposed to feel bad for him? He’s getting drunk, destroying things, taking home hot party girls …

When his dad dies Britt is conflicted but with Rogen’s limited acting range it just looks like he’s pouty. Or constipated. Whatever sympathy we have for him at his dad’s passing is immediately taken away when we find out that Britt has fired his dad’s entire staff except for one cleaning girl. All Britt cares about is that his morning coffee now tastes like crap, so he rehires the guy who made the coffee, who also happens to be the mechanic.

Britt and Kato bond (which for Britt really means that he finds someone to agree with him), they eventually go out to help people in one of Kato’s custom cars, Britt gets his ass kicked, Kato saves him, and then we’re off. Britt decides they’ll pose the Green Hornet as a bad guy because this will prevent other criminals from using their loved ones against them (because criminals don’t have loved ones, apparently), and he uses his dad’s paper to further this agenda because he sees nothing wrong with totally manipulating the news in order to further his own childish power fantasies.

He hires Lenore as his assistant, but he’s really just interested in sleeping with her. I actually gained a bit of respect for Cameron Diaz here because she shows up in a terrible movie and plays her part as a total professional. It’s cringing to watch Rogen’s character rip Lenore on how old she is because it comes off like a new Hollywood “It” guy ripping a former Hollywood “It” girl. Diaz deserves better than this material.

Of course, the rest of the cast deserves better material. Almost everyone acts with this beaten down resigned look on their faces – remember how Edward James Olmos looked during 90% of Battlestar Galactica? Apply that to most of the cast here. (Well, the rest of the cast minus James Franco, who “acts” his way through his scene like he rolled out of bed still half-stoned, stumbled to the wrong set, was given new material, and then hammed his way through it like he was on SNL and the cue cards were just off-camera.)

I thought Jay Chou really made the most out of the material given to him. The shame is that Kato is really the star of everything he does, but he’s stuck first in a thankless job as the mechanic/coffee boy for the Reids, and then forced to be the Green Hornet’s bodyguard, except everyone calls him the sidekick, instead. I would have had so much more respect for Rogen if he’d made real what his script infers – that Kato should be front and center. If we’d gotten a GREEN HORNET movie where Kato was the star but Britt realized that he had to be the focus of the media attention because it helps their cover even more, we might have had something. Neither Rogen nor the Hornet is good enough at what they do to carry this film, but Jay Chou and Kato are, and if we’d gotten a movie that did more than give lip service to that idea, we might have had something.

Instead, all we’ve got is a big, loud, stupid wet fart of a movie.