PREDATOR: El Diablo Que Hace Trofeos de Los Hombres

Predator (1987) – Directed by John McTiernan – Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Elpidia Carrillo, Richard Chaves, Sonny Landham, Shane Black, Bill Duke, Jesse Ventura, Kevin Peter Hall, and Peter Cullen.

I really wanted to call this review Dillon and the Alien Hunting Machine. or Dillon and the Bungle in the Jungle.

PREDATOR is my favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, and not because it stars two future governors, a former porn star, Apollo Creed, Harry (from Harry and the Hendersons), the guy who directed Sister Act 2, the guy currently directing Iron Man 3, and Optimus Prime.

No, PREDATOR is my favorite Schwarzenegger film because it sits in the perfect place between Schwarzenegger the actor and Schwarzenegger the star, and the film is the perfect mix of story and action. He’s still learning how to act here, not in a place where he thinks he knows what he’s doing, and the film neither relies too much on him nor caters to him. Director John McTiernan does an excellent job using Schwarzenegger in this film, pairing him with other serious dudes. These are big guys in the film and Schwarzenegger ends up looking better because he’s one of the guys and not THE guy.

When you take serious guys and put them on a serious mission, it makes the threat all the more effective. There is a bit of over-exaggerated fear in them when they begin to realize they’re up against something even more serious than them, but it doesn’t detract too much from the film.

PREDATOR is really an excellent example of minimalist storytelling. Dutch (Schwarzenegger) and his team of commandos are tricked by Dillon (Carl Weathers) into going on what they think is a rescue mission. When they get behind enemy lines and hit the compound where the hostages are allegedly being held, they realize Dillon lied to them. And then the rest of the movie is them fighting the Predator, who they can’t see, can’t understand, and can’t kill until after he’s taken all of them out but Dutch.

Smartly divided into three acts, PREDATOR concisely walks us through the raid, the group being taken out by the Predator, and finally the Arnold vs. Predator showdown. McTiernan smartly uses the heat and claustrophobic nature of the jungle to raise tension and even though none of these characters beyond Dutch and Dillon have a lot to do, PREDATOR does a fantastic job making me feel like Dutch’s crew has been working together for years.

And yes, there’s a bit of Skittles casting here: we’ve got the Euro, the black guy, the white guy, the American Indian, the Chicano, and the dorky white guy, but I never feel like this crew was put together by central casting.

One of the ways McTiernan accomplishes this is is by focusing on paired relationships. There’s not a lot of time for character development here, of course, but what little time there is, McTiernan uses it very effectively. Rick (Shane Black) tells Billy (Sonny Landham) a few p*ssy jokes, Mac and Blain (Bill Duke and Jesse Ventura) served together prior to joining Dutch’s group, and Dutch and Dillon have a history. In the director’s commentary, McTiernan mentions how he really wanted to cast Weathers opposite Schwarzenegger because Weathers could stand toe-to-toe with Arnold. You don’t hear a lot of people giving Weathers credit for his acting chops, but McTiernan heaps a lot of praise on him for his professionalism and notes how the pivotal scene between Dillon and Dutch where Dutch realizes he’s been played works primarily because Weathers carries the scene. The director also gives Arnold plenty of praise for how attentive he was at watching Weathers work.

I enjoy details like that in director commentaries because it shows how much an industry guy like McTiernan appreciates what Weathers can do for a film, and how much a still-relatively-new-to-acting Schwarzenegger appreciates what Weathers can teach him.

Another reason why PREDATOR is my favorite Schwarzenegger film is that the one-liners are delivered with sufficient pathos in order to highlight the grimness of the situation, not to afford the audience a chance to laugh in their popcorn. When Blain is told he’s been hit and grunts back, “I ain’t got time to bleed,” the effect is to let you know that he’s a tough guy in an incredibly tough spot. When Dutch is told the Predator has bled after one encounter, he remarks, “If it bleeds we can kill it,” signifying a ray of hope for the group. And when Dutch finally sees the Predator’s true face and remarks, “You’re one ugly motherf*cker” it’s a sign that the true horror of what he’s been facing is finally driven home.

I can’t leave out Elpidia Carrillo’s Anna, either, as she plays scared just about as well as anyone. She’s a constant reminder, amid all the machismo, that Dutch’s crew really has no idea what they’re up against. It’s fitting that she’s the one person who survives who isn’t played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, as the film rewards her proper fear and respect for the Predator (and the sacrifice of Dutch’s men) by allowing her to keep her life.

When Dutch finally asks her to tell him what she knows, she calls the Predator, “el diablo que hace trofeos de los hombres,” which she translates for us as “the demon which makes trophies of man.” As the Predator series developed, the character became characters and they lost both the mystery and the power of their initial appearance. If for some reason you only know the Predator from its more heroic appearances in the Alien vs. Predator films, do yourself a favor and hunt (Shalit!) PREDATOR down – it’s the best film of Arnold’s career and one the best action movies we have.

TRANSFORMERS: PRIME – DARKNESS RISING: Maximum Overdrive

Transformers: Prime – Darkness Rising (2010) – Starring Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, Steven Blum, Jeffrey Combs, Ernie Hudson, Sumalee Montano, Kevin Michael Richardson, and Dwayne Johnson.

I haven’t seen the TRANSFORMERS: PRIME cartoon before. Heck, since I don’t have cable, I hadn’t even heard of it before the DVD release of DARKNESS RISING, the 5-episode mini-series that launched the most recent incarnation of the TRANSFORMERS franchise, showed up on Netflix.

I’ll take notice of it now.

DARKNESS RISING is a fantastic cartoon, expertly striking the right balance between being accessible to kids and engaging for adults. It’s got lots of love for old school TRANSFORMERS, yet it clearly moving in its own, exciting direction. I was a bit nervous, at first. I wasn’t thrilled with the computer-generated animation and there’s far too much emphasis on the human kids (of course, I pretty much want no humans in my TRANSFORMERS stories), but both of them grew on me to varying degrees.

While not the best look, PRIME nonetheless offers a clear, bright, consistent look. Unlike what happens far too often in the movies, it’s clear to tell the robots apart here. As the 5-part series unfolded, the animation grew on me enough that even if I didn’t come to love it, I certainly don’t hate it.

As for the kids …

Give me a moment.

Let’s talk Transformers first. There’s a small band of six Autobots on Earth: Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), Arcee (Sumalee Montano), Ratchet (Jeffrey Combs), Cliffjumper (Dwayne Johnson), Bulkhead (Kevin Michael Richardson), and Bumblebee (hoots and whistles).

Actually, make that five Transformers because before the first action sequence is done with, Cliffjumper has been killed. I know. Killing a Transformer in a kids’ cartoon in the first episode! It sets a great tone for the series because it tells you right up front (much like the animated movie did) that actions here have consequences and that the stakes are high without the producers having a character repeatedly tell us that the stakes are high. That it’s Cliffjumper – or rather, that it’s Dwayne Johnson who gets offed just adds to the effect.

The Transformers are operating out of an abandoned United States military base in Nevada, which makes sense because it gives them a big facility in a non-high population area. They have a government liaison in Agent Fowler (Ernie Hudson) but he’s basically just there to bust their ball bearings. The Transformers aren’t working for/with the American government the way they are in the Michael Bay movies; instead, the vibe that Fowler puts off is of the “we don’t want you here but we’ll tolerate you as long as you stay in line” variety.

The mix of Autobots has clearly been chosen because of how they play off one another. Instead of randomly grabbing the most popular Transformers (or their personal favorites), either Hasbro or the producers (including Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman) have assembled a superhero team. Optimus Prime is the wise leader, Rathchet is his second-in-command, Bulkhead is the muscle, Arcee is the young, semi-hotheaded soldier, and Bumblebee is the young, loyal soldier. This version of Bumblebee neither talks nor does that annoying “speaking through film clips” nonsense from the movie. Instead, he beeps and whistles. It might sound annoying, but it’s actually the best version of this character’s “voice,” yet.

There’s a lull in the Autobot/Decepticon hostilities, but that comes to an end when some Decepticons take Cliffjumper out and then reanimate him with “dark energon.” And where does dark energon come from?

Unicron.

F*cking Unicron!

It’s actually the blood of Unicron and it brings the dead back to life, turning them into animalistic robot zombies. Megatron has got a sample of it and intends to bring the dead on Cybertron (which is everyone on Cybertron because it’s a dead planet) back to life to serve as his army. It’s a pretty awesome plan. The final battle takes place on the Transformers’ space bridge and it feels decidedly epic.

Okay, let’s talk about the humans. Two of the three aren’t annoying so I’ll give the show credit for that, at least. Jack, Raf, and Miko are the kids, and each of them bonds with a specific Autobot. Jack gets Arcee, Raf gets Bumblebee, and Miko gets Bulkhead. What’s nice is that each of their relationships is a bit different. Miko loves being in the mix of things and so she annoys Bulkhead with her constant ability to stick with him when he enters dangerous situations. Raf is the typical little kid genius and his relationship with Bumblebee isn’t totally flushed out here. These two relationships are fine. It’s Jack’s relationship with Arcee that is the least effective.

Arcee is a bit of a hothead (plus she’s the most effected by Cliffjumper’s death) and Jack is a bit of a whiner. Where Miko is all, “Hanging out with robots is the best!”, Jack is a bit too angst-ridden. He wants out. He likes to complain. He leaves.

And then comes right back.

Ugh.

It’s my hope that he becomes more positive about all this as the show moves forward. And I’ll be checking it out when the DVDs come out later this year because DARKNESS RISING ends up being a pretty darn great cartoon. It’s not perfect but it is really good. It’s always great to hang out with Optimus again, of course, but Arcee ends up being the star of the show for me. She takes her anger and hurt at Cliffjumper’s death and first channels it into getting revenge but then ends up salving her hurt by bonding with Jack.

Which will hopefully make him less of a douche.

THE TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE: You Got the Touch!

Transformers: The Movie (1986) – Directed by Nelson Shin – Starring Peter Cullen, Eric Idle, Judd Nelson, Leonard Nimoy, Robert Stack, Lionel Stander, Scatman Crothers, Frank Welker, Casey Kasem, Susan Blu, and Orson Welles.

In 1986, TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE was just about the coolest thing ever.

In 2012, it’s still pretty darn awesome.

When I saw THE MOVIE in the theaters, I was stunned. That big ship just ate a planet! Autobots DIED! Spike said, “Sh*t!” Megatron was turned into Unicron’s b*tch and got turned into Galvatron!

But nothing compared to the death of Optimus Prime. By the time Optimus (Peter Cullen) passes the Autobot Matrix of Leadership to Ultra Magnus (Robert Stack) on his deathbed, we’ve already seen Megatron (Frank Welker) kill Ironhide (also Peter Cullen) at point blank range. The Decepticons intercept an Autobot ship headed from Cyberton to Autobot City on Earth and kill everyone on board. Clinging to life, Ironhide weakly crawls towards Megatron to stop him. Megatron looks down and with utter disdain remarks, “Such heroic nonsense” and then blasts Ironhide in the face with his arm-mounted cannon. We don’t actually see Ironhide getting blown to bits, but the intent is clear and it sets up the violence to come.

The opening 25 minutes of THE MOVIE are among the coolest sequences in cinematic history. It’s all-out war between the Autobots and Decepticons that ranges from Cyberton to Earth. Scores of Autobots get eviscerated. The Decepticons show intelligence and ruthlessness. We get to see a veritable who’s who of the Transformers universe. And unlike the live-action Michael Bay movies, you can actually tell these robots apart because the animators believe in things like color and individuality.

It’s this opening sequence that sees Optimus and Megatron have their final battle and it’s a doozy as the two leaders throw down in Autobot City. It’s an evenly matched affair until Prime gets the advantage and knocks Megatron to the ground. Megatron then proceeds to beg for mercy as he crawls towards a gun hidden out of sight. That’s when Hot Rod (Judd Nelson) interferes. The poor whippersnapper is trying to do the right thing, but he just ends up giving Megatron the advantage he needs to hit Optimus with enough laser blasts to cause his demise.

These opening 25 minutes move fast and hard, and they look amazing in that awesome mid-80s Toei animation style. Hair metal music (and Weird Al’s “Dare to Be Stupid”) fills the soundtrack. While I’m continuously worried that these elements will make THE MOVIE feel dated, it’s given it a sense of timelessness, instead, although that might actually be a form of masquerading nostalgia for my early teenage years.

The remainder of the movie sees a new cast of Autobots battling the Decepticons: Ultra Magnus, Hot Rod, Arcee (Susan Blu), Kup (Lionel Stander), and Springer (Neil Ross) step to the fore, joined by some old faces like the Dinobots. Megatron and some other injured Decepticons are dumped from Astrotrain (seriously, it’s a train that’s also a rocket ship – one of the coolest Transformer vehicles) in the middle of space, and captured by Unicron (Orson Welles, in his last screen role) and transformed into new Tranformers that work for him. Megatron becomes Galvatron (Leonard Nimoy) and given a mission to destroy the Autobot Matrix of Leadership, the one and only thing in the universe that can destroy his large self.

What’s impressive is that even with the majority of familiar faces gone and presumed dead, the movie is still really entertaining. In large part, this is because the film keeps everything moving at breakneck speed. Hardly a scene or two goes by without some new conflict for our heroes to overcome or some new potential toy to grace the screen: Wreck-Gar (Eric Idle) and the Junkions, Sharkticons, and the Quintessons.

Maybe because I grew up with the Transformers as being both cartoon and toy, I wasn’t bothered then and I’m not bothered now by all of these new characters being an excuse to get me to buy new toys. Know why? Because I liked buying toys. As much as it sucked to see Prime die, and Jazz (Scatman Crothers, also in his last film role) and Bumblebee (Dan Gilvezan) getting sucked into Unicron and sitting the movie out, the story here was solid enough to keep me involved. None of the new Autobots are all that engaging or cool looking, but the sheer force of the plot and diversity of Transformers keeps me entertained.

Plus, it’s wholly rewarding to watch a Transformers movie where the stars are, you know, the Transformers. While we get Spike and Daniel Witwicky here, we don’t get a lot of them. They’re characters that are part of the story, not the story itself.

Everything build towards the final battle, which sees Hot Rod versus Galvatron. During the fight, he becomes the Optimus-prophesized hero and becomes the new Autobot leader: Rodimus Prime. (Rodimus Prime? Seriously? Sounds like he should be making movies with Kayden Kross and Asa Akira instead of leading the Autobots.)

The toy angle isn’t just a cheap joke, either. (The porn crack was a cheap joke. Keep up.) THE MOVIE takes place between Seasons 2 and 3 of the cartoon, and they Hasbro wanted to use the film to get rid of discontinued toys and introduce the new line. According to the Never Wrong:

“One of the intentions of the movie was to rid the Transformers cartoon universe of the majority of characters from Seasons 1 and 2. Story consultant Flint Dille elaborated: ‘In the next season (3), we were going to have all these new characters, and people are going to be wondering what happened to the old characters that they liked so much. What we knew, in a business sense, is that they had been discontinued, because they were the 1984/1985 (toy)line – but, we needed to tie them off. So, we had this one scene where the Autobots basically had to run through a gauntlet of Decepticons. Which basically wiped out the entire ’84 product line in one massive ‘charge of the light brigade.’ So, whoever wasn’t discontinued, stumbled to the end. That scene didn’t make it into the finished movie. But if you think kids were locking themselves in the bedroom over Optimus Prime, basically in that scene they would’ve seen their entire toy collection wiped out.”

Ha ha ha! Stupid ki- wait! I was one of those kids. Dick.

As a movie, however, TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE is as cool now as it was then. Whenever TV properties gets transported to the big screen, filmmakers often struggle with how to make the story feel “big” to deserve the move. The makers of this film do a bang-up job of making THE MOVIE feel big and important and epic. Clearly, the stakes are raised here, and the added inclusion of hair metal songs (Stan Bush’s “The Touch,” Lion’s version of The Transformers’ theme song, Spectre General’s “Hunger”) make THE MOVIE feel both familiar and different from the animated series.

TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE might have been made to sell toys, but it’s a darn good movie, too.

Also, for those who want “The Touch”: