Stolen

STOLEN: Love Makes Time Pass, and Time Is Certain to Make Love Pass

Stolen (2012) – Directed by Simon West – Starring Nicolas Cage, Josh Lucas, Malin Akerman, M.C. Gainey, Sami Gayle, Danny Huston, and Mark Valley. There are two basic Nic Cage movies – there’s his increasingly infrequent big budget, Hollywood projects (it’s been four years since you didn’t see Sorcerer’s Apprentice in the theaters), and his…

GHOST RIDER: Your Chances Just Went From None to Slim

Ghost Rider (2007; Extended Cut) – Directed by Mark Steven Johnson – Starring Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Wes Bentley, Sam Elliott, Donal Logue, Brett Cullen, and Peter Fonda. Wow, GHOST RIDER is a piece of sh*t. It shouldn’t be. Somehow, the filmmakers managed to get both Peter Fonda and Sam Elliott to show up and…

SEASON OF THE WITCH: Why?

Season of the Witch (2011) – Directed by Dominic Sena – Starring Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Claire Foy, Stephen Campbell Moore, Robert Sheehan, Ulrich Thomsen, Stephen Graham, and Christopher Lee. SEASON OF THE WITCH is the kind of movie that’s neither awful enough to just stop watching, nor good enough to ever be average. It’s…

DRIVE ANGRY: Ghost Rider in a Car

Drive Angry (2011) – Directed by Patrick Lussier – Starring Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner, Billy Burke, Katy Mixon, Charlotte Ross, and David Morse. Now this is how you properly make a terrible movie. I reviewed Hobo with a Shotgun the other day – at least, I reviewed the 22 minutes I could stomach…

THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE: Counter Programming My Brain Did Not Work

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010) – Directed by Jon Turtletaub – Starring Nicholas Cage, Jay Baruchel, Alfred Molina, Teresa Palmer, Toby Kebbell, Alice Krige, and Monica Bellucci. Straight up – this movie didn’t have much of a chance with me, so feel free to completely disregard anything that follows, if you’re so inclined. I think Nicholas…