HERCULES: Of Pleasing Daddy, Selling Merhcandise, and a Motown Chorus

Hercules (1997) – The 35th Walt Disney Animated Classic – Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker – Starring Tate Donovan, Danny DeVito, James Woods, Susan Egan, Rip Torn, Bobcat Goldthwait, Matt Frewer, Hal Holbrook, Paul Shaffer, Wayne Knight, Keith David, Frank Welker, Roger Bart, and Charlton Heston.

HERCULES is what happens when you push your formula one step too far.

Disney’s 35th Animated Classic comes near the end of the 1990s Disney Renaissance, and I think the film works as Litmus Test of sorts. If you love all things Disney, there’s enough here to make HERCULES a rather enjoyable film, while if you are not a fan of the Renaissance, my guess is that HERCULES is going to grate on your ears and eyeballs rather harshly. For me, I like the movie without embracing it fully. There’s an overwhelming sense of the ghost of other films’ ideas here than adds a sense of sameness to the film.

To be clear, there are parts of HERCULES that I love. The Motown-singing Greek chorus is fantastic and adds both an interesting and unique vibe to the movie. When these talented, toga-wearing ladies are singing, HERCULES sparkles with energy and cleverness. Unfortunately, they’re not the focus of the movie. While there semi-frequent appearances help the film, they’re in a secondary position to Hercules’ story, and that’s where the film comes up short.

Hercules (Tate Donovan does the talking, Roger Bart does the singing) is the son of Zeus who gets poisoned by two minions of Hades (James Woods) and loses his immortality. Hades wants to conquer the world or Olympus or Canada or something and the Fates tell him the only person who can stop him is Hercules and only on one specific night 18 years from that moment when the planets are in alignment and Hades can free the Titans.

Of course.

Your patience with that level of plot contrivance is just the kind of Litmus Test I was referring to up above. When Disney movies are working, it’s easy enough to accept this kind of set-up as the necessary foundation that allows for the enjoyable story to take place on top of it. When a film isn’t working, however, the foundation sticks up like an eye sore, and that’s what’s going on here. By telling us that Hercules is destined to save the world (or Olympus or Canada or whatever), the film renders it’s big training sequences kinda irrelevant. Hercules wants to be a hero in order to regain his godhood, which will allow him to live on Olympus with the other gods. (Plus, because it’s a Disney movie, he has the requisite Daddy Issues that plague many of our heroes and heroines.) Herc trains with Philoctetes (Danny DeVito), a satyr who earns his place in the world by training heroes.

Phil is in career crisis mode, however, as his past champions – Achilles and Odysseus (or maybe he calls him Ulysses – it’s not important) – have let him down. Hercules proves himself to Phil, however, and his training begins. These training sequences are incredibly common in the sword and sandal films, of course, and HERCULES does score some points by echoing those films.

It’s one of the few times in the movie where there’s something for older fans, because whatever else HERCULES is, it’s a Disney film that’s clearly aimed at a young crowd. There are some adult issues in the film, but for the most part, this movie is going for as young a crowd as any modern Disney movie. Characters have very little sense of grey; other than love interest Megara (Susan Egan), the HERCULES is populated with folks who are overblown in their attributes. Even the characters shapes and sizes are exaggerated, and Zeus’ big, smiling face is creepy in its intense, bug-eyed jocularity.

Hercules himself isn’t very likable, either. He’s a nice kid with big powers and a clumsy persona, but as soon as he finds out his human parents aren’t his real parents, he ditches them to go off and make his biological daddy proud and win his way back into Heaven. His instant decision to ditch his adopted parents makes him come off as a bit of a dick and his relationship with Phil just sort of happens.

Which isn’t to say there’s no enjoyment to be had watching Phil and Herc run through obvious routines, just that it’s the kind of enjoyment I get from a program when I fall asleep watching something else and then wake up and don’t have the energy to get off the couch to get the remote to get my TV to another channel.

James Woods is entertaining as Hades, but it’s a typical Disney Big Ugly villain, just as Bobcat Goldthwait and Matt Frewer are good as Panic and Pain, but they’re typical wacky henchmen.

The one shining star of HERCULES is Megara, the love interest with shady intentions. She made a deal with Hades to save her boyfriend and then that boyfriend ran off with someone else, leaving her without her lover and with a debt to pay to the God of the Underworld. Meg gets run through the standard plays-him/falls-in-love-with-him plot, but there’s some actual conflict and character development here.

At the end of it all, HERCULES is neither good nor bad. Or rather, it’s both good and bad, with some enjoyable moments tucked in among a lot of familiar territory. What brings me back to HERCULES is the enjoyable mix of the Motown sound with the Greek setting. Unfortunately, the songs are mostly forgettable and the Greek setting rarely stands out. Watching HERCULES isn’t a waste of my time – it’s just not the best way I can spend it.

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And hey, if you like all ages stories, check out my kid’s novel ADVENTURES OF THE FIVE: THE COMING OF FROST. Available now in both paperback and for the Kindle.

THE LORAX: Unless Someone Like You Cares a Whole Awful Lot, Nothing is Going to Get Better, It’s Not

The Lorax (2012) – Directed by Chris Renaud and Kyle Balda – Starring Zac Efron, Danny DeVito, Ed Helms, Taylor Swift, Rob Riggle, Betty White, Jenny Slate, Nasim Pedrad, and Stephen Tobolowksy.

THE LORAX is a so-so movie with a really great message. I’m surprised, given my environmental leanings, that I don’t like the movie a whole lot more, but while the film is wonderfully colorful and vibrant and while it’s got a great pro-environment message, it spends too much time with its human characters and not enough time with its titular character. The result is a film that starts off really strong and slowly gives away all of the positive karma the opening scenes create.

It begs the question: Why would a film called THE LORAX contain so little Lorax?

The Once-ler (Ed Helms) is a young man with big dreams and leaves his home to make his own way in the world. He makes his way to a valley full of Truffula Trees and cuts one down to make his “thneed,” which he intends to sell as a kind of all purpose cloth accessory. In cutting down the tree, the supernatural protector of the forest known as the Lorax (Danny DeVito) appears, and after some back and forth, makes the Once-ler promise to not cut any more trees down. The Once-ler, who seems like a decent enough fella, agrees, but then when the thneed becomes popular, the Once-ler bows to the pressure of his money-hungry family and starts chopping all the trees down. Eventually, the last tree falls and the environmental devastation causes all the animals of the forest to flee for (literally) greener pastures. With thneed production now over, the Once-ler’s family leaves him and he becomes a hermit.

Decades later, we’re introduced to Ted Wiggins (Zac Efron), a 12-year old kid living in the walled-in city of Thneedville in love with the older, high school-attending Audrey (Taylor Swift). Audrey lets Ted know that she wants to see a tree more than anything in the world, and so in a desperate attempt to impress her, he asks his mother (Jenny Slate) and grandmother (Betty White) if they know where he can find one. This leads to him leaving the city to find the Once-ler and hear his story in the hopes of finding a tree. By the end of his tale, the Once-ler has given Ted the last Truffula Tree seed and he runs back to town to plant it and make everyone come alive at the thought of having real, live trees in their midst again.

It’s a simple story told relatively well, but the problem with THE LORAX is that the Lorax and the forest creatures are the most interesting characters in the film, but it’s the mostly annoying Once-ler and the mostly okay Ted that get the bulk of the screen time. It makes narrative sense, of course, as we need the Once-ler to fall and Ted to rise to get the film’s message that the environment is worth saving, but just because something makes sense doesn’t mean it’s a great watch.

There’s a few songs in the film, too, but they’re mostly duds. The opening “Thneedville” number is pretty good. I’m a sucker for these city-wide sing-alongs and the number does a pretty good job of setting up the totally mechanical world of the namesake city. The closing “Let it Grow” is the same style of song, and the film manages to work some decent emotion out of the town’s environmental awakening. The main song in the middle of the film, however, is ridiculously dreadful. “How Bad Can I Be?” is completely soulless and lacking in any wit, charm, or (most important, for a song) catchiness.

What really dooms the film is its slide into mediocrity. At the start of the film, I’m digging on Ted’s quest to impress Audrey, the vibrant color contrast between the cold, white city, the dull greys of the post-apocalyptic landscape outside, and the bright Truffula Tree valley, and the Once-ler’s story. Ted’s relationship with his grandma is fun to watch, as is the Once-ler’s early relationship with the animals of the valley. By the time Ted has made an enemy out of Aloysius O’Hare (Rob Riggle), the diminutive mayor of Thneedville who’s made his fortune selling air in plastic bottles, and the Once-ler has felled his last tree, the film has lost its charm and fallen into a bland hodge-podge of other cinematic ideas.

And the biggest problem is that the Lorax himself goes away, which robs the film of the bright, humorous balance to the Once-ler giving himself over to the evils of industrialization. (Note that the film does not say that making money is evil – even the Lorax seemed okay with Once-ler making money with his thneeds so long as he was merely pruning the trees instead of chopping them down.)

It’s a shame. Given my love for the animated Horton Hears a Who!, I had high hopes for THE LORAX but the film ultimately fails to deliver anything more than a moderately appealing time. I love the look of the film but the narrative and the songs let the film down. I wanted more Lorax and Pipsqueak and less Granny on a motor scooter.

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And hey, if you like all ages stories, check out my kid’s novel ADVENTURES OF THE FIVE: THE COMING OF FROST. Available now in both paperback and for the Kindle.

THE JEWEL OF THE NILE: The Boat Blew Up

The Jewel of the Nile (1985) – Directed by Lewis Teague – Starring Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny DeVito, Spiros Focás, Holland Taylor, and Avner Eisenberg.

Ugh.

What was so fun and refreshing a year earlier in ROMANCING THE STONE is now tired, unimaginative, and a chore to watch.

There are flashes of the good stuff in THE JEWEL OF THE NILE, but they are few and far between. Nearly every plot point in JEWEL feels contrived just to give us a bickering Joan Wilder and Jack Colton (Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas). The film opens with Joan unable to finish her book and Jack happy to cruise around the world irresponsibly in his boat that he bought at the end of the previous movie. She’s snippy at him for being so carefree when she’s got work to do, and he subsequently gets snippy with her when he has to go to a fancy dinner.

One unfortunate switch between movies is that where ROMANCING was wholeheartedly Joan’s story that Jack comes crashing into, JEWEL is a shared story with Jack getting to play the role Joan played in the first movie of the serious guy with the annoying sidekick. Upset with Jack and angry at not being able to finish her latest novel, Joan takes Omar (Spiros Focás), leader of an Arab country, up on an offer to go down the Nile with him and see his country. Joan and Jack fight, make weird proclamations about this being the end of their run together, Joan leaves, and Jack is set upon by Ralph (Danny DeVito), who’s still angry about losing the stone everyone was busy romancing in the last film.

This plot maneuver splits our two leads, which means the filmmakers thought that what we wanted to see (or would be entertained by, at least) was to see our romantic leads split apart. Joan goes off with Omar to his desert paradise, only to discover its a desert dictatorship. Jack and Ralph are approached by one Omar’s citizens who tell them that Omar is a meanie and has stolen the Jewel of the Nile.

We’re all off to the Middle East, then, and it’s like Joan and Jack are in two movies. Joan’s plot gets all serious when she realizes Omar is an evil guy and that the Jewel of the Nile isn’t a big honking rock, but a religious leader that Omar has kidnapped. Jack and Ralph hang out with the rebels and bicker incessantly.

It’s the best part of the film.

JEWEL is much more fun when Jack and Ralph are bickering. They’ve greatly expanded Danny DeVito’s role this time around and he’s easily the one shining part of this dreary film. He’s not enough to balance the insipid Joan and Jack Show, however, as the couple continually hurt each other, then regret it while the other isn’t around, and then hurt each other again at the earliest convenience. It can be a lot of fun to watch a couple bicker as they’re also falling in love, but once they’ve admitted and embraced their love for one another, the bickering is weary to watch. There are moments here where Joan and Jack shine again, but they’re all happy moments.

Turner and Douglas have fantastic chemistry and when the film slows down and simply lets them smile and be playful with one another, JEWEL wins me over, but these are rare moments in a film that would rather watch its two leads argue than work together.

A pity.