"Macho King" Randy Savage vs. the Ultimate Warrior in their WreslteMania VII Retirement Match.

WRESTLEMANIA VII: All These Flags Make Me Feel American

WrestleMania VII (March 24, 1991) – Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena (Los Angeles, CA) – Main Event: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter (WWF Championship) – Announcers: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby “the Brain” Heenan, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Lord Alfred Hayes, “Mean” Gene Okerlund, Sean Mooney, Regis Philbin, Alex Trebek, and Marla Maples. Jingoism was in full effect…

Storage 24

STORAGE 24: These Things Just Happen

Storage 24 (2012) – Directed by Johannes Roberts – Starring Noel Clarke, Colin O’Donoghue, Antonia Campbell-Hughes, Laura Haddock, Jamie Thomas King, Alex Price, and Ned Dennehy. I really like the look, feel, and sensibilities of the modern British horror film. There’s a slickness to the movies, but there’s also a firm foundation of solid, real…

WrestleMania VI

WRESTLEMANIA VI: Images of Strange and Powerful Forces

WrestleMania VI (1990) – SkyDome (Toronto, Ontario, Canada) – Main Event: Ultimate Warrior (Intercontinental Champion) vs. Hulk Hogan (WWF Champion) – Announcers: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse “the Body” Ventura, “Mean” Gene Okerlund, and Sean Mooney. The opening introduction to WrestleMania VI has Vince McMahon talking over a scrolling image of heavenly constellations, eventually revealing the images…

RoboCop 2014

ROBOCOP: Let’s Do This, Tin Man

RoboCop (2014) – Directed by José Padilha – Starring Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson, Abbie Cornish, Jackie Earle Haley, Michael K. Williams, Jennifer Ehle, Jay Baruchel, Aimee Garcia, Marianne Jean-Baptiste, and Zach Grenier. SPOILERS AHEAD – SPOILERS AHEAD – SPOILERS AHEAD – SPOILERS AHEAD Dear Hollywood, STOP GIVING US FUCKING ORIGIN…

Gravity Poster

EUROPA REPORT and GRAVITY: It’s Time to Go Home

Europa Report (2013) – Directed by Sebastián Cordero – Starring Christian Camargo, Anamaria Marinca, Michael Nyqvist, Daniel Wu, Karolina Wydra, Sharlto Copley, Embeth Davidtz, Dan Fogler, and Isiah Whitlock, Jr. Gravity (2013) – Directed by Alfonso Cuarón – Starring Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Orto Ignatiussen, and Ed Harris. I hate the artificial pitting of one…

Desolation of Smaug

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG: You Have Nice Manners for a Thief

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013) – Directed by Peter Jackson – Starring Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, Benedict Cumberbatch, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Luke Evans, Graham McTavish, Aidan Turner, Ken O’Gorman, Ken Stott, James Nesbitt, Mark Hadlow, Jed Brophy, Adam Brown, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, William Kircher, Stephen Hunter, Cate Blanchett, Sylvester…

Monuments Men

THE MONUMENTS MEN: Ain’t There Supposed to Be a Parade?

The Monuments Men (2014) – Directed by George Clooney – Starring George Clooney, Matt Damon, Bill Murray, John Goodman, Hugh Bonneville, Cate Blanchett, Jean Dujardin, Bob Balaban, Dimitri Leonidas, and Grant Heslov. SPOILERS — SPOILERS — SPOILERS — SPOILERS When the first MONUMENTS MEN trailers arrived, the film’s comedic elements were front and center, but…

Mirror Mirror

MIRROR MIRROR: Snow Would Have to Fall

Mirror Mirror (2012) – Directed by Tarsem Singh – Starring Lily Collins, Julia Roberts, Armie Hammer, Danny Woodburn, Martin Klebba, Sebastian Saraceno, Jordan Prentice, Mark Povinelli Joe Gnoffo, Ronald Lee Clark, Lisa Roberts Gillan, Nathan Lane, Mare Winningham, Michael Lerner, Sean Bean, and Frank Welker. I love MIRROR MIRROR. Tarsem Singh’s style-over-substance retelling of the…

Rapture-Palooza

RAPTURE-PALOOZA: You Want Some, Happy Meal?

Rapture-Palooza (2013) – Directed by Paul Middleditch – Starring Anna Kendrick, Craig Robinson, Ken Jeong, John Francis Daley, Rob Corddry, John Michael Higgins, Ana Gasteyer, Rob Heubel, Calum Worthy, and Thomas Lennon. Craig Robinson. Anna Kendrick. What could go wrong? Yeah. For the first 10 minutes or so, RAPTURE-PALOOZA (what is this, 1993?) works for…

The Dinosaur Project

THE DINOSAUR PROJECT: I Think It Works

The Dinosaur Project (2013) – Directed by Sid Bennett – Starring Richard Dillane, Peter Brooke, Matthew Kane, Natasha Loring, Stephen Jennings, Andre Weideman, and Abena Ayivor. I’ve been binging on low budget movies lately, lots of films by Asylum and the like, and when you start making that your norm, your expectations recenter themselves. Maybe…

Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters

PERCY JACKSON: SEA OF MONSTERS: At Least There’s No Line

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013) – Directed by Thor Freudenthal – Starring Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Douglas Smith, Leven Rambin, Jake Abel, Stanley Tucci, Anthony Stewart Head, Nathan Fillion, Octavia Spencer, Craig Robinson, and Robert Knepper. I haven’t read the Percy Jackson books but I did see the first movie, THE…

Smurfs 2

THE SMURFS 2: What Matters Is Who You Choose To Be

The Smurfs 2 (2013) – Directed by Raja Gosnell – Starring Neil Patrick Harris, Brendan Gleeson, Jayma Mays, Katy Perry, Hank Azaria, Jonathan Winters, George Lopez, Anton Yelchin, John Oliver, Fred Armisen, Christina Ricci, J.B. Smoove, Alan Cumming, Mario Lopez, Jimmy Kimmel, Tom Kane, Paul Reubens, B.J. Novak, Shaquille O’Neal, Shaun White, Jeff Foxworthy, Kenan…

Stolen

STOLEN: Love Makes Time Pass, and Time Is Certain to Make Love Pass

Stolen (2012) – Directed by Simon West – Starring Nicolas Cage, Josh Lucas, Malin Akerman, M.C. Gainey, Sami Gayle, Danny Huston, and Mark Valley. There are two basic Nic Cage movies – there’s his increasingly infrequent big budget, Hollywood projects (it’s been four years since you didn’t see Sorcerer’s Apprentice in the theaters), and his…

Big Ass Spider

BIG ASS SPIDER!: We’re Gonna Shoot It in the Ass

Big Ass Spider! (2013) – Directed by Mike Mendez – Starring Greg Grunberg, Lombardo Boyar, Clare Kramer, Ray Wise, and Patrick Bauchau. What do you want out of a B/Z-movie? If you like your B- or Z-movies purposely stupid and fun and ridiculous, there exists films like Sharknado. If you want a movie that aspires…

The Last Stand

THE LAST STAND: Look at That Squirrel in His Big Motherf*cker Hat

The Last Stand (2013) – Directed by Kim Jee-woon – Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Forest Whitaker, Johnny Knoxville, Rodrigo Santoro, Jaimie Alexander, Luis Guzmán, Eduardo Noriega, Peter Stormare, Zach Gilford, Génesis Rodríguez, and Harry Dean Stanton. I don’t remember the writer or even the movies he was talking about, but somewhere back 15 years ago or…