SHARKNADO: William Faulkner’s Sharknado

Sharknado (2013) – Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante – Starring Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, John Heard, Cassie Scerbo, Jaason Simmons, and Chuck Hittinger. Guest post by William Faulkner At first, there was nothing but the waves, the unending rhythm of waves that were in constant motion yet so consistent a presence that they were unnoticeable.…

PACIFIC RIM: The Monsters at Our Door

Pacific Rim (2013) – Directed by Guillermo del Toro – Starring Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day, Robert Kazinsky, Max Martini, Burn Gorman, Clifton Collins Jr., and Ron Perlman. Please be aware that SPOILERS exist beyond this point. For me, it was G.I. Joe and Transformers. And Crystar. Star Wars was in its…

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS: The Bromance of Kirk and Spock

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) – Directed by J.J. Abrams – Starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Benedict Cumberbatch, Karl Urban, John Cho, Alice Eve, Simon Pegg, Peter Weller, Anton Yelchin, and Bruce Greenwood. Here’s the deal, readers. SPOILERS follow. Lots and lots of spoilers follow. I don’t hold anything back, so don’t read…

OBLIVION: In Exactly 22 Words

Oblivion (2013) – Directed by Joseph Kosinski – Starring Tom Cruise, Morgan Freeman, Olga Kurylenko, Andrea Riseborough, Melissa Leo, and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. Rating: Pretty. Predictable. Dumb. OBLIVION in exactly 22 spoiler-filled words: Cruise as Wall-E: Lives in the sky, prefers ground, is a clone. Awesome swimming pool. Morgan Freeman smokes. Clones are not individuals. __________ Mark…

JUDGE DREDD: I Am the Law

Judge Dredd (1995) – Directed by Danny Cannon – Starring Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Diane Lane, Rob Schneider, Joan Chen, Jürgen Prochnow, and Max von Sydow. There are some movies that just aren’t worth talking much about, and JUDGE DREDD is one of them. Whatever it was that was paid for the rights to translate…

PREDATOR: El Diablo Que Hace Trofeos de Los Hombres

Predator (1987) – Directed by John McTiernan – Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Elpidia Carrillo, Richard Chaves, Sonny Landham, Shane Black, Bill Duke, Jesse Ventura, Kevin Peter Hall, and Peter Cullen. I really wanted to call this review Dillon and the Alien Hunting Machine. or Dillon and the Bungle in the Jungle. PREDATOR is my…

DEATH RACE 2: Is That Supposed to Be Deep?

Death Race 2 (2010) – Directed by Roel Reine – Starring Luke Goss, Lauren Cohan, Ving Rhames, Danny Trejo, Sean Bean, Deobia Oparei, Tanit Phoenix, Fred Koehler, and Robin Shou. So this was a bit weird. If you’ve read my reviews of DEATH RACE 2000 and DEATH RACE, you know I like car movies and…

DREDD: This is Not a Negotiation

Dredd (2012) – Directed by Pete Travis – Starring Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Wood Harris, Lena Headey, and Rakie Ayola. Are you new to the Anxiety? Because if you are, you need to be aware that SPOILERS lie ahead. And that you can follow along on Twitter. As summer turns to fall, my cinematic tastes change. I’m…

PAUL: I’ve Been Waiting for This Since Mac and Me

Paul (2011) – Directed by Greg Mottola – Starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen, Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Blythe Danner, Joe Lo Truglio, John Carroll Lynch, Jane Lynch, David Koechner, Jesse Plemons, Sigourney Weaver, Jeffrey Tambor, and Steven Spielberg. Much like Super 8, PAUL is a love letter to Steven Spielberg, but…

TOTAL RECALL (2012): I Give Good Wife

Total Recall (2012) – Directed by Len Wiseman – Starring Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, John Cho, and Bill Nighy. Are you new here – then be aware, SPOILERS LIE AHEAD. LOTS AND LOTS OF SPOILERS, so if you don’t want the movie SPOILED, stop reading. Follow along on Twitter.…