THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE: Counter Programming My Brain Did Not Work

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010) – Directed by Jon Turtletaub – Starring Nicholas Cage, Jay Baruchel, Alfred Molina, Teresa Palmer, Toby Kebbell, Alice Krige, and Monica Bellucci. Straight up – this movie didn’t have much of a chance with me, so feel free to completely disregard anything that follows, if you’re so inclined. I think Nicholas…

HAWK THE SLAYER: I Would Rather Eat Cow Dung

Hawk the Slayer (1980) – Directed by Terry Marcel – Starring John Terry, Jack Palance, Bernard Bresslaw, Ray Charleson, Peter O’Farrell, Morgan Shepherd, Patricia Quinn, and Patrick Magee. HAWK THE SLAYER is a piece of crap, but it’s the kind of piece of crap that gets people to say things like, “It’s so bad it’s…

ALICE IN WONDERLAND: Alice Among the Assh*les

Alice in Wonderland (2010) – Directed by Tim Burton – Starring Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Crispin Glover, Matt Lucas, and Anne Hathaway; Featuring the Voices of Stephen Fry, Alan Rickman, Michael Sheen, Barbara Windsor, Timothy Spall, and Christopher Lee. Every movie has a message, whether it wants to have one or not.…