THE LONE RANGER: Something Very Wrong with That Horse

The Lone Ranger (2013) – Directed by Gore Verbinski – Starring Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, Tom Wilkinson, William Fichtner, Barry Pepper, Ruth Wilson, James Badge Dale, Helena Bonham Carter, Mason Cook, Saginaw Grant, and Stephen Grant. If you’re new here, be aware that SPOILERS LIE BEYOND THIS POINT. I’m liable to talk about anything and…

THE PHANTOM: Take the Girl, She’s Our Phantom Insurance

The Phantom (1996) – Directed by Simon Wincer – Starring Billy Zane, Kristy Swanson, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Treat Williams, James Remar, Bill Smitrovich, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, and Patrick McGoohan. Simon Wincer’s THE PHANTOM is a quietly great movie that’s perfect for a Saturday afternoon. THE PHANTOM is exactly the kind of movie I want to relax with…

THE JEWEL OF THE NILE: The Boat Blew Up

The Jewel of the Nile (1985) – Directed by Lewis Teague – Starring Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny DeVito, Spiros Focás, Holland Taylor, and Avner Eisenberg. Ugh. What was so fun and refreshing a year earlier in ROMANCING THE STONE is now tired, unimaginative, and a chore to watch. There are flashes of the good…

ROMANCING THE STONE: I Ain’t Cheap, But I Can Be Had

Romancing the Stone (1985) – Directed by Robert Zemeckis – Starring Kathleen Turner, Michael Douglas, Danny DeVito, Alfonso Arau, Manuel Ojeda, Holland Taylor, Mary Ellen Trainor, and Ted White. Maybe ROMANCING THE STONE was a bigger influence on me than I ever realized. I always liked the film, even if it wasn’t ever a movie…

LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER: Me Bum’s Gone to Sleep Again

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) – Directed by Simon West – Starring Angelina Jolie, Jon Voight, Iain Glen, Noah Taylor, Chris Barrie, and Daniel Craig. Once upon a time, I kinda liked this film. Now, I kinda don’t. Where LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER goes wrong for me is that it’s all just a bit too…

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END: All Men Are Drawn to the Sea, Perilous Though it May Be

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007) – Directed by Gore Verbinski – Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Stellan Skarsgård, Bill Nighy, Tom Hollander, Chow Yun-fat, Geoffrey Rush, Jack Davenport, Naomie Harris, Kevin McNally, David Schofield, Jonathan Pryce, Mackenzie Crook, Lee Arenberg, and Keith Richards. If you want to argue that PIRATES…

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST: I’m Afraid Currency is the Currency of the Realm

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) – Directed by Gore Verbinski – Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Bill Nighy, Stellan Skarsgård, Naomie Harris, Jack Davenport, Kevin McNally, Tom Hollander, Lee Arenberg, Mackenzie Cook, Jonathan Pryce, and Geoffrey Rush. I find that PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST ages very well.…

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL: You Best Start Believing in Ghost Stores, Miss Turner, You’re in One

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) – Directed by Gore Verbinski – Starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jonathan Pryce, Jack Davenport, Kevin McNally, Lee Arenberg, Mackenzie Crook, and Zoe Saldana. There is a very small scene deep in PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE CURSE OF THE…

THE MUMMY RETURNS: No Harm Ever Came From Opening a Chest

The Mummy Returns (2001) – Directed by Stephen Sommers – Starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Freddie Boath, Oded Fehr, Arnold Vosloo, Patricia Velásquez, Alun Armstrong, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Shaun Parkes, and Dwayne Johnson. It is to the credit of Stephen Sommers, Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, Oded Fehr, John Hannah, and Arnold Vosloo that THE…

THE MUMMY: No Harm Ever Came From Reading a Book

The Mummy (1999) – Directed by Stephen Sommers – Starring Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Oded Fehr, Kevin J. O’Connor, Patricia Velásquez, and Bernard Fox. When I first became aware of THE MUMMY, I dismissed it as an Indiana Jones knock-off starring an actor I didn’t like – why should I bother…

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: Asps. Very Dangerous. You Go First.

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – Directed by Steven Spielberg – Starring Harrison Ford, John Rhys-Davis, Paul Freeman, Karen Allen, Ronald Lacey, and Denholm Elliot. I never wanted to be Indiana Jones. Don’t get me wrong – I always loved the character as a kid, and RAIDERS has always been a favorite of mine,…