DIE HARD: Benefits of a Classical Education

Die Hard (1988) – Directed by John McTiernan – Starring Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, Alexander Godunov, Bonnie Bedelia, Reginald VelJohnson, Paul Gleason, Robert Davi, Grand L. Bush, De’voreaux White, Hart Bochner, James Shigeta, and William Atherton. John McTiernan will never win an Academy Award for Best Director, but he directed Predator, DIE HARD, and The…

PREDATOR: El Diablo Que Hace Trofeos de Los Hombres

Predator (1987) – Directed by John McTiernan – Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Elpidia Carrillo, Richard Chaves, Sonny Landham, Shane Black, Bill Duke, Jesse Ventura, Kevin Peter Hall, and Peter Cullen. I really wanted to call this review Dillon and the Alien Hunting Machine. or Dillon and the Bungle in the Jungle. PREDATOR is my…

MORTAL KOMBAT: REBIRTH and LEGACY: (Almost) Flawless Victory

Mortal Kombat: Legacy (2011) – Directed by Ken Tancharoen – Starring Michael Jai White, Jeri Ryan, Lateef Crowder, Darren Shahlavi, Tahmoh Penikett, Matt Mullins, Sam Tjhia, Jolene Tran, Ryan Robbins, Ian Anthony Dale, Kevan Ohtsji, Shane Warren Jones, Peter Shinkoda, Kirby Morrow, Erica Cerra, and Tracy Spiridakos. Conceived by Ken Tancharoen, MORTAL KOMBAT: REBIRTH is…

DREDD: This is Not a Negotiation

Dredd (2012) – Directed by Pete Travis – Starring Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Wood Harris, Lena Headey, and Rakie Ayola. Are you new to the Anxiety? Because if you are, you need to be aware that SPOILERS lie ahead. And that you can follow along on Twitter. As summer turns to fall, my cinematic tastes change. I’m…

THE EXPENDABLES 2: Track Him, Find Him, Kill Him

The Expendables 2 (2012) – Directed by Simon West – Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Yu Nan, Chuck Norris, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Liam Hemsworth, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Scott Adkins, and Charisma Carpenter. If you’re new to the Anxiety, be aware that SPOILERS LIE AHEAD. This is…

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER: History Prefers Legends to Men

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) – Directed by Timur Bekmambetov – Starring Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rufus Sewell, Marton Csokas, and Alan Tudyk. There is one major problem with ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER: it takes its story seriously. The good news is that it takes its story so utterly and…

HAYWIRE: You Shouldn’t Think of Her As Being a Woman

Haywire (2011) – Directed by Steven Soderbergh – Starring Gina Carano, Michael Fassbender, Ewan McGregor, Bill Paxton, Channing Tatum, Antonio Banderas, and Michael Douglas. “You shouldn’t think of her as being a woman. No, that would be a mistake.” This is the line Kenneth (Ewan McGregor) says to hitman Paul (Michael Fassbender) when he’s trying…

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON: Is Sam Witwicky the Most Useless Lead Character in Sci-Fi History?

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) – Directed by Michael Bay, Starring Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro, Tyrese Gibson, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Patrick Dempsey, Kevin Dunn, Julie White, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, Peter Cullen, Hugo Weaving, Leonard Nimoy, Charlie Adler, and James Remar. To answer the question posed in the title of this review: Probably…

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – GHOST PROTOCOL: Jump!

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol (2011) – Directed by Brad Bird – Starring Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Paula Patton, Simon Pegg, Michael Nykvist, Léa Seydoux, Vladimir Mashkov, Samuli Edelmann, Anil Kapoor, Tom Wilkinson, Josh Holloway, Ving Rhames, and Michelle Monaghan. It’s a bit hard to say which is the more unbelievable feat regarding MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE…

LONE WOLF MCQUADE: How’d You Like to Bite That in the Butt, Develop Lockjaw, and Be Dragged to Death?

Lone Wolf McQuade (1983) – Directed by Steve Carver – Starring Chuck Norris, David Carradine, Robert Beltran, Barbara Carrera, Leon Isaac Kennedy, L.Q. Jones, and William Sanderson. Even though I’m reviewing LONE WOLF MCQUADE as part of Western Month, it’s not a Western in the classical sense. Instead, MCQUADE is a contemporary Western-slash-martial arts-movie-slash-standard-’80s-action movie.…

DRIVE ANGRY: Ghost Rider in a Car

Drive Angry (2011) – Directed by Patrick Lussier – Starring Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner, Billy Burke, Katy Mixon, Charlotte Ross, and David Morse. Now this is how you properly make a terrible movie. I reviewed Hobo with a Shotgun the other day – at least, I reviewed the 22 minutes I could stomach…

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN: Me With Something Better To Do

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011) – Directed by Jason Eisener – Starring Rutger Hauer, Brian Downey, Gregory Smith, and Molly Dunsworth. Twenty-two minutes and 43 seconds. That’s how long I made it into HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN before turning the movie off. Had it been a rental instead of a Netflix Instant Stream, I probably…