American Hustle quad poster

AMERICAN HUSTLE: Don’t Put Metal in the Science Oven

American Hustle (2013) – Directed by David O. Russell – Starring Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeremy Renner, Louis C.K., Michael Peña, Elisabeth Rohm, and Robert DeNiro. Ugh. AMERICAN HUSTLE is the most confounding movie I’ve seen in a very long time. I kinda actively hate the movie, while at the same…

Grand Budapest Hotel

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL: Keep Your Hands Off My Lobby Boy

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) – Directed by Wes Anderson – Starring Ralph Fiennes, Tony Revolori, F. Murray Abraham, Edward Norton, Mathieu Amalric, Saoirse Ronan, Adrien Brody, Willem Dafoe, Léa Seydoux, Jeff Goldblum, Jason Schwartzman, Jude Law, Tilda Swinton, Harvey Keitel, Tom Wilkinson, Bill Murray, and Owen Wilson. I don’t always love Wes Anderson movies,…

WrestleMania XXX

WRESTLEMANIA XXX: He Lives With the Lights on Bright

WrestleMania XXX (April 6, 2014) – Mercedes-Benz Superdome (New Orleans, LA) – Main Event: Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. Daniel Bryan (WWE World Heavyweight Championship) – Announcers: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry “the King” Lawler, and “Mean” Gene Okerlund – Host: Hulk Hogan. WrestleMania XXX is a stunning achievement for the WWE. After a…

Muppets Most Wanted Poster

MUPPETS MOST WANTED: Goodnight, Danny Trejo

Muppets Most Wanted (2014) – Directed by James Bobin – Starring Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, Ricky Gervais, Tina Fey, Ty Burrell, Bill Barretta, Dave Rudman, Matt Vogel, Peter Linz, Tony Bennett, Hugh Bonneville, Sean “Diddy” Combs, Jemaine Clement, Rob Corddry, Celine Dion, Dexter Fletcher, Lady Gaga, Zach Galifianakis, Josh Groban, Salma Hayek, Tom Hiddleston, Tom…

Warm Bodies

WARM BODIES: We Even Have Almost Conversations Sometimes

Warm Bodies (2013) – Directed by Jonathan Levine – Starring Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, Analeigh Tipton, John Malkovich, Dave Franco, and Rob Corddry. WARM BODIES makes me smile about as much as any movie in recent memory. While it doesn’t achieve the inconceivable heights of The Princess Bride, Jonathan Levine’s adaptation of Isaac Marion’s novel…

Source Code Poster

SOURCE CODE: It’s Time Reassignment

Source Code (2011) – Directed by Duncan Jones – Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga, Jeffrey Wright, Michael Arden, Russell Peters, and Scott Bakula. Much like The Adjustment Bureau and About Time, SOURCE CODE is a science fiction movie where the sci-fi sits beneath the story. It’s not that science fiction is absent from…

The Host Poster

THE HOST: This Body is Mine

The Host (2013) – Directed by Andrew Niccol – Starring Saoirse Ronan, Max Irons, Jake Abel, Frances Fisher, Chandler Canterbury, Diane Kruger, and William Hurt. Aliens have taken over the Earth. The Earth has never been better, but it’s better because aliens have taken over the Earth. The Aliens are glowing strands of collected light…

300 Rise of an Empire

300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE: Dance Across the Backs of Dead Greeks

300: Rise of an Empire (2014) – Directed by Noam Murro – Starring Sullivan Stapleton, Eva Green, Lena Headey, Rodrigo Santoro, Hans Matheson, David Wenham, Callan Mulvey, Jack O’Connell, Yigal Naor, Michael Fassbender, Peter Mensah, and Gerard Butler. Is the world too complicated for you? Do you pine for the simplicity of a past age…

Branded

BRANDED: Fat Will Be the New Fabulous

Branded (2012) – Directed by Jamie Bradshaw and Aleksandr Dulerayn – Starring Ed Stoppard, Leelee Sobieski, Max von Sydow, Jeffrey Tambor, Ingeborga Dapkunaite, and Rachel Davies. BRANDED is a massively stupid fucking movie. When I saw the trailer for BRANDED in the theater, I laughed and said, aloud, “That is the dumbest trailer I have…

Riddick Poster

RIDDICK: I Got Civilized

Riddick (2013) – Directed by David Twohy – Starring Vin Diesel, Jordi Mollà, Matt Nable, Katee Sackhoff, Dave Batista, Bokeem Woodbine, Raoul Trujillo, and Karl Urban. Let’s pick a random fight between two movie franchises that are not at war with one another just because I’m not entirely sure what to say about a movie…

Apollo 18 Poster

APOLLO 18: Where’s the Other Cosmonaut?

Apollo 18 (2011) – Directed by Gonzalo López-Gallego – Starring Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen, Ryan Robbins, and Michael Kopsa. APOLLO 18 is one of those films that I respect more than I like. I love not only the idea but the approach. This is smart, low-budget film making. With a main cast of just two…

About Time Poster

ABOUT TIME: My Extraordinary Ordinary Life

About Time (2013) – Directed by Richard Curtis – Starring Domhnall Gleeson, Rachel McAdams, Bill Nighy, Tom Hollander, Lindsay Duncan, Margot Robbie, Lydia Wilson, and Richard Cordery. Every so often, it’s nice to remember that science fiction doesn’t need robots and explosions and spaceships and aliens to engage an audience. ABOUT TIME is not a…

Yokozuna vs. Bret "Hitman" Hart at WrestleMania IX.

WRESTLEMANIA IX: Finkus Maximus

WrestleMania IX (April 4, 1993) – Caesars Palace (Las Vegas, NV) – Main Event: Yokozuna vs. Bret “Hitman” Hart (WWF Championship) – Announcers: Jim Ross, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan, “Mean” Gene Okerlund, and Todd Pettengill – Host: Gorilla Monsoon. Welcome to the WrestleMania we wish we could forget. In an event that has…

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper vs. Bret "Hitman" Hart at WrestleMania VIII.

WRESTLEMANIA VIII: This Place Has Turned Into an Asylum

WrestleMania VIII (April 5, 1992) – Hoosier Dome (Indianapolis, IN) – Main Events: Ric Flair vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (WWF Championship) and Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Justice – Announcers: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby “the Brain” Heenan, “Mean” Gene Okerlund, and Sean Mooney. WrestleMania VIII is the golden era of Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan, the…

The Bay Poster

THE BAY: I Think It’s Every Girl’s Dream To Be Miss Crustacean

The Bay (2013) – Directed by Barry Levinson – Starring Will Rogers, Kristen Connolly, Kether Donohue, Frank Deal, Stephen Nunken, Christopher Denham, and Nansi Aluka. I hate when I’m watching a movie and know I have very little to say about it. Usually when this happens, I’m watching some low budget action movie starring giant…